Maternity Leave and Workplace Anxiety - Why Informal Conversations beat Formal Grievances

A client came to me about a month ago who was ready to raise a formal grievance. She'd been on maternity leave, and while she was off her manager had barely communicated with her. She'd also heard all sorts from other people about things going on at work while she wasn't there, such as rumours about the business being acquired and that their job roles could be at risk, and other rumours that made the thought of returning to work stressful, so by the time we spoke she'd had enough, and a grievance felt like the obvious next step to her.

This is where I had to give some tough love, not because she was wrong to be upset, but because raising a grievance about something that happened one to two years ago is rarely the answer. I could see that her manager could have done things differently in the past, that there were conversations and feedback she could have handled better, but when we talked it through it turned out that how they'd stay in touch during maternity leave had never actually been discussed before she went off, and nothing had been agreed. 

So before we talked about grievances, I asked her the question that actually mattered. Did she want to go back to this workplace or not and what was she trying to gain from raising this grievance? She wanted to go back to work, but she was anxious about her manager and a formal process wouldn't have got her the thing she actually wanted, which was to walk back in without dreading it.

What she needed was a conversation, so we put a plan in place for how she'd have it. She'd tell her manager about the things in his style that she didn't like, the things that were making her not want to come back, and we worked out how to say all of that as constructively as possible.

A couple of days ago she got in touch to tell me the conversation went well and her manager took the feedback on board. It was feedback he'd never actually been given before, and my client came away feeling far less anxious about going back to work. 

She's accepted that her manager may never become her favourite person, and that's fine as the point was never to be best friends. The point was that trying to sort it informally got her somewhere a grievance wouldn't have.

What helped her here was also speaking to someone completely neutral. When you're the one who's upset and anxious, you can't always see the situation straight, which may make it harder to plan a constructive conversation. Sometimes you need someone from the outside to help you work out what you actually want and how to approach it and to just listen to your concerns and help make sense of it.

If you’re going on maternity leave or about to return, my toolkit might be helpful for you, and it’s free to download. If you’re going through something more complex and need help with how to handle it, let’s have a chat. You can start with booking in a free discovery call before booking in a longer session. I use some coaching techniques to help you challenge your thinking, but will also give you advice on what can work and what might make things more difficult. I have more than 10 years experience of advising on complex situations in the workplace.